Okay, so the journey begins.
"It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one's dignity, to work unhampered, to be generous, frank and independent."
~W. Somerset Maugham
Of course, I would quote Somerset.
But that particular quote, ALL ME! I don't ask for much. Been on the web all day. I have a "To Do List" now. Simple, but never been a needed thing for me until now. Limited to a few items.
Relocation.
Top priority. First and foremost, deciding where I want to go. The baby wants to go to Atlanta. Yeah Atlanta's nice, convenient, we have family there. Charlotte, I thought was nice, till my BFF, whom just recently moved there, hates it. HMMMM. So my goal for tomorrow is Location, Location, Location..... I love the snow, winter is fantastic, Atlanta can't give me that. Charlotte provides a median of the two... but with the economy now? (I'm so sick of everything having to relate to the economy now in order to be evaluated.) I always wanted to live in a open area. Lots of land. Peace and quiet.
Next on my to do list is re-mapping my Advertising Portfolio. It hasn't been updated in a few years. That's sure to be a lot of FUN. Well I guess this is more less a "Status Blog" than a "Politics" one huh? Location, Location, Location.
Coming soon to a city near you. (Maybe)
"Harpo! Who dis woman?"
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Politics:
Freedom vs: Love
FREEDOM: (Political) – is the absence of interference with the sovereignty of an individual by the use of coercion or aggression.
LOVE: - In short, a range of emotions and experience related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction.
And so I speak.
In term, freedom basically is the idea of being free. It stems from an old Indo-European root word, freedom, that they also used to describe as “to love.”
So as I sit here typing to you, basking in all of my freedom, I question my question on Love and Freedom and it’s relations, or Love and Freedom and my relations.
Those of you that are familiar with my writings, know that in the recent months, I have been talking in regards to a Mr. Foe. That’s Mr. Won D. Foe to you. A young man with whom I am, well, I really don’t know what you would call what we do. Any how, Mr. Foe has brought to my attention on several occasions, his freedom.
Now those of you that know me on a more personal level, know how I am, especially when it comes to and involvement of man, and MY freedom.
And so you listen.
It’s pretty rough talking to Mr. Foe about things so that’s why I have you guys…
For the most part I have been a free bird for the entire run thus far. Being a single mom hasn’t taken away from any of my freedom. What has happened is that now, I know how to prioritize my freedom. Or what us moms call it, “mommy time.” So right now it’s “mommy time” and I am talking to you. Life as I seek it, has a husband, that I am submissive to, children that I love and care for, and me that I adore. My Love, well it’s Mr. Foe. I have done the best that I can to allow myself, my life and my love, along with my freedom, to blossom into a perspective that is good enough for him to become his mate and prosper and continue together.
But that’s not enough.
Mr. Foe on the other hand, enjoys his freedom to the point where it replaces love. Fear that being with me makes him an un-free bird. Is my love that sheltering? Why should I give all of my love away to someone that would only use it at a convenience.
Love vs. Freedom, we are free to love. But we receive love at a cost? A cost that I pay for now. A cost that has me involved with someone that I care for, adore, wish to cherish eternally, marry, with no set predictions. No limits. But freedom is in the way.
Trust that fully understand freedom and all of its meanings. But having no limits to love, I myself am not free of love, therefore, trapped within my own freedom. How long can one go on loving freely, but receiving at a cost?
My relationship with Mr. Foe, seems far from real and closer to imaginary. I love him, he says he loves me, I want to be with him, he says he wants to be with me but he just likes his freedom right now he says and not ready to make that move. Not putting his business out there, Mr. Foe has had a little relationship miss-hap more than 5 years back, that he says to still be recovering from. 5 years, I wonder sometimes, is that how long it is going to take for him to come around? 5 years? How can the best thing that has happened to me in the last year be the most confusing? How can the one thing in life, freedom, that I should cherish being a Black Female, be the one thing that keeps me from whom I want to cherish?
I have given myself several time limits. Limits on love, limits on freedom, all of which, for my freedom, I have broken. Realizing now that I can not wait on freedom to love me, hold me, tell me it misses me, wants to see me.
Waiting for that to happen, I might as well lock myself up and throw away the key and say:
“To hell with freedom!!”
FREEDOM: (Political) – is the absence of interference with the sovereignty of an individual by the use of coercion or aggression.
LOVE: - In short, a range of emotions and experience related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction.
And so I speak.
In term, freedom basically is the idea of being free. It stems from an old Indo-European root word, freedom, that they also used to describe as “to love.”
So as I sit here typing to you, basking in all of my freedom, I question my question on Love and Freedom and it’s relations, or Love and Freedom and my relations.
Those of you that are familiar with my writings, know that in the recent months, I have been talking in regards to a Mr. Foe. That’s Mr. Won D. Foe to you. A young man with whom I am, well, I really don’t know what you would call what we do. Any how, Mr. Foe has brought to my attention on several occasions, his freedom.
Now those of you that know me on a more personal level, know how I am, especially when it comes to and involvement of man, and MY freedom.
And so you listen.
It’s pretty rough talking to Mr. Foe about things so that’s why I have you guys…
For the most part I have been a free bird for the entire run thus far. Being a single mom hasn’t taken away from any of my freedom. What has happened is that now, I know how to prioritize my freedom. Or what us moms call it, “mommy time.” So right now it’s “mommy time” and I am talking to you. Life as I seek it, has a husband, that I am submissive to, children that I love and care for, and me that I adore. My Love, well it’s Mr. Foe. I have done the best that I can to allow myself, my life and my love, along with my freedom, to blossom into a perspective that is good enough for him to become his mate and prosper and continue together.
But that’s not enough.
Mr. Foe on the other hand, enjoys his freedom to the point where it replaces love. Fear that being with me makes him an un-free bird. Is my love that sheltering? Why should I give all of my love away to someone that would only use it at a convenience.
Love vs. Freedom, we are free to love. But we receive love at a cost? A cost that I pay for now. A cost that has me involved with someone that I care for, adore, wish to cherish eternally, marry, with no set predictions. No limits. But freedom is in the way.
Trust that fully understand freedom and all of its meanings. But having no limits to love, I myself am not free of love, therefore, trapped within my own freedom. How long can one go on loving freely, but receiving at a cost?
My relationship with Mr. Foe, seems far from real and closer to imaginary. I love him, he says he loves me, I want to be with him, he says he wants to be with me but he just likes his freedom right now he says and not ready to make that move. Not putting his business out there, Mr. Foe has had a little relationship miss-hap more than 5 years back, that he says to still be recovering from. 5 years, I wonder sometimes, is that how long it is going to take for him to come around? 5 years? How can the best thing that has happened to me in the last year be the most confusing? How can the one thing in life, freedom, that I should cherish being a Black Female, be the one thing that keeps me from whom I want to cherish?
I have given myself several time limits. Limits on love, limits on freedom, all of which, for my freedom, I have broken. Realizing now that I can not wait on freedom to love me, hold me, tell me it misses me, wants to see me.
Waiting for that to happen, I might as well lock myself up and throw away the key and say:
“To hell with freedom!!”
Politics:
The Black Father vs. The Absentee Ballot
The Black Father: Well for argument sake, we'll discuss my daughters Black Father.
The Absentee Ballot: a vote cast by someone who is unable or unwilling to attend the polling station.
And so I speak.
To the best of my knowledge, when I had my daughter and filed out the information for her birth certificate, I don't recall there being a slot for the absentee Dad. Please check here.
The Black Father has been an absentee throughout my entire life. I know him, we speak, but a relationship more than friends is out out of the question. At 30 I don't know where "running to Daddy" fits in my day to day. And being raised by my brother is a experience that I would never trade in. Losing him 4 years ago, felt like losing a brother and a Dad at the same time. So I sympathize for my baby. Having an absentee Dad herself. And trust that I am far from what any man would catagorize a Baby Mama. I don't nag him. I don't ask for anything. For the past 7 years there has never been a diaper request, a pick-up request, nothing. In fact our conversations consist of me saying: "Hello... Yeah...what time?...okay" 'click'... Only to realize that is was a waste of my 45 seconds because he never shows up. So within his absence, I cover for him, feeling sorry for my Baby, I picked this man. So her having him as a Dad is partially my fault. So I make up for
what I think she lacks in him. Being raised by a man 3 years my elder, pretty much kept me in tune with the male psychie. I can explain sports to her. (I pray she hates baseball-I do) I do the early morning fishing trips. I gets my cargo shorts, tight tee skateboard game on. We go bike-riding. She collect ants alone, but I watch. LOL.
But in reality, no matter how much I try, I cannot fill that void. To her she does all these things with Mommy true, but when he calls, her eyes light up, she gets shy, I look on with envy. Knowing that he will never love her like I do. Knowing that when he says "Daddy is gonna get you today" it's a lie. And she waits by the door. With an outfit that took her an hour to pick out, (she throws on any damn thing for me) she wants to look her best.
Funny how even in relations we are alike. Her interest in her Dad is similar with my interest with Mr. Foe. No matter how much we try, our love for the man in our life goes un-noticed. Her Dad can give a rats ass how much she cares for him, and as far as me and Mr. Foe, as hard as I try, my efforts continue to show no progress. Hence in his efforts or better yet lack of.
So maybe I've passed on the curse of convenience to her. She craves for a Dad and I desire a complete family. No closer to it than where we began.....
(e)
The Black Father: Well for argument sake, we'll discuss my daughters Black Father.
The Absentee Ballot: a vote cast by someone who is unable or unwilling to attend the polling station.
And so I speak.
To the best of my knowledge, when I had my daughter and filed out the information for her birth certificate, I don't recall there being a slot for the absentee Dad. Please check here.
The Black Father has been an absentee throughout my entire life. I know him, we speak, but a relationship more than friends is out out of the question. At 30 I don't know where "running to Daddy" fits in my day to day. And being raised by my brother is a experience that I would never trade in. Losing him 4 years ago, felt like losing a brother and a Dad at the same time. So I sympathize for my baby. Having an absentee Dad herself. And trust that I am far from what any man would catagorize a Baby Mama. I don't nag him. I don't ask for anything. For the past 7 years there has never been a diaper request, a pick-up request, nothing. In fact our conversations consist of me saying: "Hello... Yeah...what time?...okay" 'click'... Only to realize that is was a waste of my 45 seconds because he never shows up. So within his absence, I cover for him, feeling sorry for my Baby, I picked this man. So her having him as a Dad is partially my fault. So I make up for
what I think she lacks in him. Being raised by a man 3 years my elder, pretty much kept me in tune with the male psychie. I can explain sports to her. (I pray she hates baseball-I do) I do the early morning fishing trips. I gets my cargo shorts, tight tee skateboard game on. We go bike-riding. She collect ants alone, but I watch. LOL.
But in reality, no matter how much I try, I cannot fill that void. To her she does all these things with Mommy true, but when he calls, her eyes light up, she gets shy, I look on with envy. Knowing that he will never love her like I do. Knowing that when he says "Daddy is gonna get you today" it's a lie. And she waits by the door. With an outfit that took her an hour to pick out, (she throws on any damn thing for me) she wants to look her best.
Funny how even in relations we are alike. Her interest in her Dad is similar with my interest with Mr. Foe. No matter how much we try, our love for the man in our life goes un-noticed. Her Dad can give a rats ass how much she cares for him, and as far as me and Mr. Foe, as hard as I try, my efforts continue to show no progress. Hence in his efforts or better yet lack of.
So maybe I've passed on the curse of convenience to her. She craves for a Dad and I desire a complete family. No closer to it than where we began.....
(e)
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